youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
