It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Girls should come with a carfax report
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
