why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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