It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
