i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
