You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
