i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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