That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
