Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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