why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
