Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
