Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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