I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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