just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
