Porn is love you can see.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
