I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
