My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
