I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
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great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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