I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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