I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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