Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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