well you can't waste a boner
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
