Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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