He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
