WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
