i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
