Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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