I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
