She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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