How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
