I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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