There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
