i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
North Korea, Best Korea!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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