At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
