God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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