can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
