get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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