Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
