I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
PANTIES FOUND
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
