Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
