my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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