Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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