I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
