maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
