babies were throwing up all over the place
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
