whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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