Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
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I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
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But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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