if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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