tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
