I think my vagina is haunted
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
soo... how was my night?
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