it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
