Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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