I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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