I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
