Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
