she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
