i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
