My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
