wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize