Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
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lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
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So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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