If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
