is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
