The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
