I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
