i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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