Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
