the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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