she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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