We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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