I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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