found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
