and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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