We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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