Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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