She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
