turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
