i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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