3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
