Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
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